Not Another AU
by Inali Grimalkin
Summary: A parody fic mocking all the bad AUs out there. Warning: OOC, highschool! stalkerish motives, Twilight themes and teen pregnancy.


**Inali: So here's a bit of a fun, parody story. I will be the first to say I really don't like AU. Yes I have read them, and there are a few good ones out there (_What I Learned at SRU _by D3stiny-Sm4sher is a great Avatar AU and inspired me to write my own, _At the Jasmine Dragon_. If you're a fan of Inuyasha check out Forthright and my friend HugglesxKitten.) That being said there are a lot, and I mean A LOT, of really bad AUs out there. For sheer fun I've decided to take all of the things I've seen being used in fics (which of course is shameless "borrowing" from _Twilight_). So, hope you find this even half as fun I had writing it- **

**Sokka: Do not read this story! It will liquify your brain! This is just a stupid April Fool's joke that got way out of hand! - I'm serious! _Stop reading the story!_**

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><p>Katara loved school. She was one of the popular girls, how could she not? Unlike her brother everyone loved her, she didn't let it go to her head though. She was nice to everyone and had been voted Most Likely To Change The World two years in a row.<p>

"There's the group, c'mon Sokka!" Katara took off, running towards her friends. It was such a random assortment of people. There was Aang, the sweet younger one of the group, and his girlfriend Mai who was a dark and imposing looking goth. Toph was the tough girl of the group despite, or maybe because of, her blindness. She had just started dating Shawn Longtin over the summer. Shawn and Mai weren't really part of 'The Group', they were just the tag alongs because of who they were dating. Mai usually hung out with the cheerleaders Azula and Ty Lee, though Katara couldn't figure out why. Shawn, on the other hand, was part of the activists group with Abee, her boyfriend Teo and a few other kids.

"Hey, who's that?" Sokka asked looking past their group. Katara followed his gaze and saw a pale boy, clearly a senior, with shaggy dark hair and a horrible burn across one eye. To everyone's surprise Mai was the one to answer.

"That's Zuko," the goth girl shrugged.

"He's pretty cute," Katara observed. She was the only single member of the group. She had 'friends', but no steady boyfriend. Even Sokka had girlfriends, two girls he met online and was constantly messaging.

"He looks like bad news," Sokka snorted and was promptly ignored.

"How do you know him Mai?"

"He's Azula's older brother, we grew up together."

"And he's just here now?" Aang asked, curious as ever.

"He was living with his uncle in Europe. Haven't seen him since he started high school." Katara pondered him carefully, perhaps she'd try to catch his eye. After all her last relationship hadn't ended well and it was time to try again.

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><p><em>"Haru?" Katara asked looking around the room confused.<em>

_"This doesn't look like book club."_

_"That's because it isn't," he sighed running his hand through his flowing brown hair. "It's the Gay/Straight Alliance room."_

_"Oh, how sweet I didn't know you were part of that," she gushed._

_"I'm not on the side you think."_

_"... I don't follow." Haru sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot recently._

_"Katara, I'm gay. I like men."_

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><p>It took weeks for Sokka to stop laughing at her.<p>

"C'mon Sugar Queen," Toph said pulling her waterbending friend back to the present. "Let's get to class." Katara blinked and realized the rest if the group was dispersing.

Her morning classes passed quickly and soon it was lunch time. Mai opted to sit with them, she claimed she felt out of place next to the cheerleaders while Shawn was listening to Abee and the rest of the activists go over some plans. Jet, the one who usually organized protests and sometimes riots was currently using his amazing charisma while Teo absently flicked at his lighter.

Katara quickly found her usual group, pausing to wave at Jet. Sokka and Toph were deeply engaged in some battle of wit and Aang focused on the marbles he had spinning rapidly in his hands while Mai painted her nails onyx black.

"Hey Katara, look what I can do!"

"That's great," she replied catching sight of Zuko sitting by himself at the far corner of the cafeteria. She wondered why he didn't sit with his sister.

"You're not even looking..."

"That's great," she repeated turning to look at the young Avatar.

"I'm not doing it now..." he whined.

"Ooh, girls look," Katara sighed, turning her gaze back to the dark and mysterious boy.

"Can't," Toph quipped turning her attention from Sokka to her female friends.

"It's Zuko," Mai told her blandly.

"Oh. Em. Gee. He's looking at me!" Katara gushed, noticing that the ivory pale boy's eyes had been turned her way for the briefest of moments. "Should I go talk to him?"

"But he's bad!" her friends said in unison.

"I know," Katara giggled.

"I think I'm going to puke," Sokka griped.

"So, I heard about this party that Azula's throwing. It's supposed to be THE biggest party of the year. I could totally meet up with Zuko there."

"And the odds we'll actually be going?" Sokka pointed out looking up from his lunch of jerky and other meat products.

"Pretty good I'd say. She put Ty Lee and I in charge of the guest list," Mai sighed, capping her polish and blowing on the wet nails in a bored fashion.

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><p>The night of the party they arrived in Toph's family limo. Toph, Sokka and Aang all wore nicer versions of their usual clothes; jeans and a variety of colours for their tops. Green tank top for Toph, orange and yellow plaid for Aang and a blue hoodie for Sokka. Katara on the other hand had worn her best Guess jeans and a white halter top, it was conservative but sexy. She was dazzling, even without the sparkles and when she walked into the Fire's home everyone stopped and stared for a moment. Toph went off to find the pool table to play with Shawn and his activist friends, Aang found Mai and she was sure they'd be off writing poetry or something. With all her friends off doing other things Katara and Sokka were left alone. Not for long however as Jet approached them.<p>

"Hey Katara," he said giving her his signature smolder."Sokka."

"Hey Jet," Katara said with a smile while Sokka ignored him.

"I gotta say I'm surprised you came, you looked like you were having a nightmare last night."

"You watched me sleep?"

"I _always_ watch you sleep," he purred seductively.

"Aw, Jet that's _so _sweet!"

"You have got to be kidding me..." Sokka groaned. And was ignored.

"Maybe you shouldn't eat nachos after ten," Jet suggested, sounding concerned.

"You were digging through my trash?"

"Um, yeah. Where I come from it's a sign of love... And stuff..."

"Why?" This time Jet actually answered Sokka.

"I've gotta protect my girl from THEM."

"Who's them?" Katara asked curiously. "They're as numerous Anonymous and they're like the Men in Black, the Illuminati and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen COMBINED!"

"Does no one besides me find a problem with this?" Soka exclaimed before grabbing a case of cactus juice and gluing himself to the couch.

"Ignore him," Katara shrugged. "We all do."

"No problem. Hey, so I got you a drink." Katara smiled and accepted the blue beverage.

"Thanks Jet, I'm going to go mingle for a bit, okay?" She didn't wait for a reply before heading off and chatting with a few acquaintances as she walked. After a while she spotted a familiar head of gorgeous brown hair.

"Hey Haru, long time no see. How's, um, life?"

"Oh, hi Katara. Life is, uh, good, I guess. What's that you're drinking?" he changed the subject and nodded at her glass. "I'm not really sure, a friend got it for me. Did you want to try?"

"Sure." Haru took the glass and drank some. "Pretty good. I think it's a Blue Lagoon." They got past the awkward and had slipped back into being comfortable. Katara remembered that Haru had been a great friend before they started dating.

"I like your mustache, that's new."

"Thanks, yeah I thought it made me look older." Katara nodded, but stopped. She felt odd.

"I really want to dance all of a sudden. Come on!" Katara grabbed Haru's arm and dragged him towards the room with the blasting music and lights.

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><p>"Ugh, what happened?" Katara groaned, sitting up. She looked down and was surprised to see she naked.<p>

"I think it was ecstasy," Haru mumbled, also sitting up and reaching around to find clothes.

"Was I really that good?"

"I meant the drug."

"Oh."

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><p>"So yeah, I think Haru and I slept together. I have no idea where I got E though," Katara finished, taking a swig of Sokka's drink.<p>

"That doesn't make any sense! That's not how that drug even works!" Sokka cried, exasperated.

"I dunno, I just really wanted to dance and look at lights and touch things. I really liked touching things. I have no idea how I got to that guest room though. Oh well, Toph mentioned that Jet was looking for me and she said if you wanted to get beaten at pool to go find her."

"Where are you going?" Sokka asked, glancing over towards the pool table where the blind trust fund kid was indeed wiping the floor with everyone.

"To go find Jet, I bet he has something he wants to show me. You have some fun, I'm probably going to head home in a bit." Sokka nodded, glad that his sister was being sensible. He chose to ignore what he could have sworn sounded like Jet asking Katara if his rag smelled like chloroform.

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><p>The following Monday found Zuko sitting on his own, Hawthorn Heights streamed from his headphones and <em>Catcher in the Rye <em>in his hands. Someone sat across from him and he turned his eyes, like molten gold, towards them.

"Hey," the girl said. "I didn't see you at your sister's party." Her skin was a warm mocha, so different from his own creamy pallor, and her eyes were so blue. Like the ocean, deep and endless.

"I saw you," was all he said, keeping himself aloof despite being captivated by her radiant beauty.

"You did?"

"Yes. You were the one dancing on my dining room table."

"Why didn't you come say hi? I'm Katara by the way." Zuko nodded while Katara glanced out the window. She could see Jet outside with the soccer team doing their drills, it was strange; she didn't know Jet had joined the soccer team.

"It would be better if we weren't friends. I'm dangerous. I've hurt people."

"I-is that how you got your scar? Oh my god, are you, like a vampire or something? That's so sexy." she said in a hushed tone, obeying the library's rules.

"No, my cousin's boyfriend did that. And I'm not a vampire."

"Who's your cousin's boyfriend?"

"Teo I think his name is." Katara frowned.

"The boy in the wheelchair?"

"Why do you think he's in a wheelchair?" Katara had been fiddling with her empty can of pop and was about to tell Zuko that she completely understood why he would make the boy a paraplegic when her hand slid on the sharp edge of the metal.

"Oh, no, you're bleeding!" Zuko heroically tore his shirt off and used it to tend to Katara's cut and her heart melted as a result. Zuko was so kind, their wedding would have ponies and flowers and there would be a rainbow...

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><p>"I love her," Zuko sighed as he walked home with his sister that afternoon. He had never believed in love at first sight, but this? This was so much more than that. She was his Earth, his sky. She was his oxygen, without her he would truly die.<p>

"I don't ask you to listen to me talk about my love life." Zuko rolled his eyes at his sister's complete lack of romantic nature.

"You're openly dating Ty Lee and sleeping with Mr. Zhau the history teacher, there isn't anything to talk about." Azula glared and changed tracks.

"You can't possibly lover her Zuzu," the ever popular Alpha Bitch of the school snorted. "You've only seen her a handful of times. Don't tell me you believe in love at first sight."

"It's not like love at first sight, it's like... Gravity. Like suddenly the earth isn't what's holding me, it's her, and nothing else matters."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

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><p><em><strong>~Meanwhile, on the other side of town~<strong>_

"You barely know the guy and you're buying wedding magazines?" Sokka cried exasperated.

"I just want to be prepared, we have chemistry."

"How can you have chemistry? You've talked to him, like, twice, max!"

"No, I mean we have the chemistry class together, I see him every day. Besides it's obvious that Zuko and I are _so _perfect together."

"That doesn't even make sense! He's two years older than you and despite going to school we are never in class!"

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><p>Katara and Zuko both ignored their siblings, the dated secretly for the first few weeks. She would sneak out and meet Zuko at a different place every time and usually get home in the very early hours of dawn. They talked about revealing that they were dating and decided that they would soon, perhaps after their one month anniversary.<p>

Katara left her house that night and quietly made her way to her car. She was so excited to go and see her boyfriend. If she could spend her entire life kissing him she would, she loved him that much.

"You're going out." She turned around to see Jet sitting on the curb playing with some black object.

"Yeah, I have plans."

"To see Zuko?"

"Yes," Katara admitted. Jet was a dear friend, she couldn't lie to his face. "He's my boyfriend."

"What about me?"

"You're a great friend, but I love Zuko."

"But I know where you live, where you work, where you sleep, what car you drive. I know your license plate number, and what hospital you go to, and your social security number," Jet pleaded, his eyes looking wild and desperate. "Backwards, forwards, upside down, right side up, crooked, diagonal and 3D! I-I know what you did last night and I have it on my camera!"

"I'm sorry Jet, you're such a great friend for knowing me so well, but you just aren't The One for me." Jet sighed and tossed the object towards her. It was her car battery.

"Cut down the tree outside you're bedroom window if you don't want me to come back, I'll understand."

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><p>The announcement that Zuko and Katara were dating went over very well, in fact it seemed that no one was surprised in the least. Perhaps their make out sessions in the hallway hadn't been sneaky enough. The next couple months went by as usual and soon it was crisp November. The whole school was chattering, but for once it wasn't about the weather or how many more sleeps until Christmas.<p>

Sokka walked through the school's halls, usually he ignored everyone around him as the entire population seemed to be completely and totally insane, however today he listened to their idle gossip, if only because it had a little bit to do with him.

"So I heard Katara's got a bun in the oven."

"Yeah, rumour is it's Zuko's, he's such a bad boy."

"Zuko? No way, I heard she got hopped up on drugs and did the deed with Jet at a party." Sokka sighed and tracked down his sister to let her know about the rumours.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if it's a boy or a girl yet, but I'll for sure tell you when I know. Zuko's mother had a beautiful name so I'll probably name it after her." Sokka stared at his sister in shock and strode past where Jet was hidden in a garbage can taking pictures of Katara's every move.

"Katara, you're the one starting the rumours?"

"It's not rumours if they're true. Besides, everyone was going to find out soon anyway, I'm already starting to show. Want to feel them kick? I'm going to enroll them in soccer!"

"Who's the father? I keep hearing people say it's Jet's or Zuko's." Katara shifted guiltily and gave a sheepish smile.

"We'll I'm not 100% sure. See I've only ever slept with three guys, but they kinda overlapped..."

"There is something seriously wrong with this world and everyone in it..."

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><p><strong>Next time in a <em>very special<em>**** chapter of_ Not Another AU_:**

**"You're so well dressed. And clean. Your skin sparkles and you highlight your hair. You never kiss me; you don't like eating at Hooters... How long have you been this way?"**

"**My whole life."**

**"I know what you are."  
><strong>

**"Say it, out loud."**

**"... Gay."**

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><p><strong>"There can only be one!"<strong>

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><p><strong>"But Sokka! I'm still in love with Zuko's evil, reincarnated half sister!"<strong>

**"Oh, Ty Lee!"**

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><p><strong>"No! <em>You<em> are the father!"**

**"_Noooooooooooo!"_**


End file.
